Thursday, November 18, 2010

Day 143... I think

Okay, so I've been lazy... The last post was day one, this is day one hundred and forty three, I see no problems with that whatsoever.

This is what the Lord has been teaching me:
1. He has taught me most recently the power of persistent prayer and not losing heart in my prayer life using scriptures like Luke 18:1-8. He has shown me that praying will change my heart to suit His will for my life. Through prayer and supplication my heart with be softened, others hearts will be softened, doors will be opened or closed. Prayer is so essential to every aspect of my life because Jesus is preeminent in my life.

2. Over the past few months He has taught me about singleness and what it looks like to be a single Christian woman and still glorify God in all that I do. I have been learning what it looks like in my life to give my full and undivided attention to God. Don't get me wrong, I get distracted every once in a while, but for the most part I'm thinking about God and how He wants me to be acting and how I can best glorify Him. He has taught me through the Mark Driscol study on Song of Solomon the importance of marriage and that I was holding it as an idol; exalting it higher then I ought. He has made me aware in my heart that singleness is a gift through 1 Corinthians 7 and through that scripture and teachings from my pastor that marriage isn't any better then being single, it's just different. Both things have amazing benefits and different purposes.

3. The last thing I'll write about is that He has eluded to me recently about the idea of taking up my cross and following Him; forsaking everything and 'going for the gold'. Also finding my treasure in Heaven and not in the world. I am anxious for the next lesson that the Lord is going to teach me. He is the only teacher I've ever actually listened to and agreed with everything He had to say.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Day two... You didn't know about day one, did you?

This is day two of me starting a few new things. I am only posting this to keep myself accountable to myself and you three people (if there are that many) that read my blog if I ever remember to post. The new things include, but are not limited to: waking up at 6:30 to read and pray before work, eating much less carbohydrates for an entire month to get down to my goal weight, doing 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise every week day totaling 150 minutes per week which is 10 more then I was assigned by my trainer (W training studios in Windsor his name is Spencer call him: 707-888-6883), and using Arbonne's acne clearing wash.

Long laundry list of things to do, and they are challenging to me, but even after two days I feel blessed by all of these things; the eternal, of course, and the temporal. I will keep posting about how all the things are going over the next month, hopefully with the grace of God I'll be able to stick to them!

May the good Lord bless you and keep you through all of your days.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Anxious for Nothing

Sometimes I get an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's anxiety. I feel anxious but for no reason. It is fairly frustrating because when it starts, it always happens in my stomach and then I feel adrenenline in the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet (weird I know) and then I just feel like running away. I just have the urgent need to not be where I am or not be doing what I am doing. I really do not like it one bit. When I was younger I would do art projects until two in the morning just to get my mind off the feeling and to be doing something, now I just wait.

Recently I was reminded of an amazing verse which says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7. When I start to feel this way I remember this verse, but I wish I could remember it even before I get worried over nothing.

I get anxious over nothing, but I need to learn to be anxious for nothing. I have faith that Jesus will work that miracle in me.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Some Plans That Have Gone Awry.

I don't like to travel because that disrupts my routine, also I really like my own bed and my own shower. I would rather be at home then in Italy or the East Coast or England or France or even Hawaii. I am the kind of person who likes things to be normal and to know where I'm going, who I'm going to see and what I'm going to do week in and week out. Daily I have to remind myself to not think so far ahead and plan my entire life out. I am terrible at being completely in submission to God's heart for me. Even before I knew Him, I was the same way.

I remember ten or so years ago sitting with a friend on my bed in the same room which I now sit dreaming of all that my life would one day be. I was eleven. I have recently been thinking about that conversation. Although I cannot one hundred percent remember who my friend was or what they wanted for their life, I remember most of what I said which was something to the effect of "I want to live on a farm like my Nonnie and Papa, be married and have lots of babies and do it all by the time I'm eighteen. Also my husband would love me like my dad loves my mom."

As I am sitting on my bed now (not the same bed, it's larger, but it is in the same place oddly enough with how much I move my room around) I am still living with my parents (in suburbia not a farm), I am twenty one so I'm three years too late to meet my age requirement, have no prospect for a husband and therefore will be having no children at any time in the near future. I am thinking how with every single fiber of my being I wanted those things and how funny it is how all-consuming desires change. Sure, I still desire to marry a man that loves me as much as my daddy loves my mommy and I'd like to have a few young ones under foot some day, but I am no longer consumed with those things because I take comfort in the fact that God knows what He is doing and He will give me everything that He desires to give, and take away things He desires to take.

This is what the Lord has done this this area of my life: although I still plan, my plans are not as, lets say, definitive. I use the words 'some day' rather then giving myself a deadline and therefore ultimately setting myself up for failure.

When you desire to do God's will He will equip you for that work, even if it is something seemingly as simple as changing your every day vernacular.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Mere Christianity By C.S. Lewis

I have just started reading this book and already it has spoken into my life. The very first chapter is about what he calls the 'law of human nature'. It's all about the standard of which you treat other human beings and how you expect them to treat you. Basic right and wrong. I like how he put it [comparing right and wrong to notes on a piano]:

Think once again about a piano. it has not got two kinds of notes on it, the 'right' ones and the 'wrong' ones. Every single note is right at one time or another. The moral Law is not any one instinct or set of instincts: it is something that makes a kind of tune (the tune we can call goodness or right conduct) by directing the instincts.

He earlier in the passage wrote regarding how every human instinct has a right time and a right place. Such as [Lewis suggests] the instinct to fight and the instinct to have sex, in the right situation they are perfectly fine, but outside of that they are the 'wrong notes'. The right situation he gives for both examples is as follows: for fighting it is proper to increase that instinct when going to fight for your country and in reference to sex he says it is proper for a married man to increase his sexual desire, but of course, only with his wife.

I have been really struggling with wanting to please God, being blameless before others and being a good example of Christ to those who do not know him, and this chapter eased my fear slightly. The reminder that every action has a proper time and place is very comforting. Now the challenge is, through prayer and supplication, let God do all the work he needs to so that I play my song in tune.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

1 Timothy 1:12-17

12 And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me, because He counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry, 13 although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man; but I obtained mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief. 14 And the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. 15 This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. 16 However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life. 17 Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, to God who alone is wise,[a]be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen. 1 Timothy 1:12-17

I in no way want to compare myself with the workd that the Apostle Paul did through the strength and guidance of the Holy Spirit, but I feel as though I can identify with this verse so well. Many times throughout the day I feel as though I am the biggest sinner of them all. I feel ashamed. Every moment I know there is only one way that I can make it though the day, and that is the strength that Christ gives me through the Holy Spirit. I think I am going through a season where the pride I have in things that I hold dear to me is being broken down so that through my life God can be glorified. I want people to look at me and think 'That girl loves Jesus!'

About two weeks ago I started praying that God would Glorify Himself through me. In the last week of so God has opened my heart more and it has been much easier for me to remember to read my bible, to pray diligently and wholeheartedly, to speak up about Jesus and to want to do ministry work again. I am so happy that I have that desire back, and I give that triumph to GOD completely. I know that this work in me is not completed, but I know God is faithful and He will complete this work He has started "being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ" Phillipians 1:6.

Peace to you and the love of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Hard Work Truly Does Pay Off

Okay so I won't do many of these posts bragging about my weight loss, but I have truly lost half of the weight that I wanted to lose. I am so happy and cannot wait until I have lost it all. I have been working hard for about seven weeks and lost about a pound a week.

About a year and a half ago I started losing weight by eating right and lost about 40 lbs. this is a picture of me at my heaviest:

This is the most recent picture of me that I could find (I picked one of my face because that is what is most prominent in the other photo). This is from a hike with a bunch of friends on a day when I was prepared for an afternoon of wine tasting hence me being dressed up:

To sum up: I'm so happy with the way that I look now. I have about 7 to 10 more pounds to go, but once I get there I'll probably want to lost more, haha. I am so blessed to have the support, love and encouragement that I need to get back to being healthy.

Thank you to everyone who has helped, loved and supported me!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Inner Monologue

Yep, this post is going to be about how my brain works. Well not the biological/anatomical part but the part about how I think and where my mind goes at 12:15 at night or any time is the day for that matter.

Bottom line: I think way too much.

The awful part is that it is not about anything important or something that needs my attention right then. Just three minutes ago I was thinking about how computer chips are made because I was thinking about how in about 20 minutes it is going to be daylight savings so we are going to miss the entire 2:00 hour so I am going to have to change all the clocks so that I am not late for church in the morning. I started thinking about how so many people do not use analog clocks and it's all about digital and for the most part the digital clocks are programed to change for you (cell phones in particular). I thought 'in the future nobody is going to have to remember that it is daylight savings time because either it won't exist anymore because it's kind of ridiculous or we will all have programmed out cell phones for the alarms and the phones switch automatically which we won't have to worry about ever again. Then I thought that the only one who is going to have to remember when daylight savings time was would be the man (or lady) who programs the computer chips in the phones. It's exhaustive listening to my thoughts all day and still I can't sleep.

I thought all of that paragraph in about 45 seconds. I'm a freak but I've come to enjoy it.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


So these past two weeks I've gone and watched my friend Cameron play hockey and it was amazing. Freezing but amazing. I've resolved from this to become a hardcore hockey fan. Yes, I will buy a jersey once I figure out which team I like (suggestions are welcome) I will go to games, and I will learn the rules and all the other junk that goes along with committing to a sport to follow (but of course not in place of Jesus). I'm quite excited about it and cannot wait to continue learning about this new interest.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Reno, NV and God's faithfulness

So last week was the most horrible week I've had in such a long time, top 3 in worst weeks ever. Anyway, at the end of the week I had a trip planned to go to Reno, NV with the family and that is what I was so excited for all week, one event that was keeping my chin up. One thing I kept repeating to myself was "God is good". He is so Good and this is going to be a story of His glory.

My story begins on Saturday morning when I sent a text to my friend who was going to be joining me, and she replied back informing she was not going to be able to attend, needless to say I was quite upset.

On the way down (or up I guess) to Reno the point of the entire trip is to maintain a buzz, now I was not too happy with the swaying to and fro of the bus so I decided to refrain. Once we got there I was a little peeved with my mother from sitting next to her for the entire trip. I mean who can blame me, literally rubbing and bumping elbows for three to four hours with anyone would be a little much. I just needed a break.

Once we arrived at the hotel I wandered around in the shop for a bit, headed over to the big chair and just spent some time taking in all that is sparkly in the Silver Legacy hotel. It was so glittery! After about 20 minutes of milling around our rooms were ready. Everyone was getting rooms starting with 27 or 33... My room was 1974... That means mine was in a completely different tower, at least 8 floors below anyone that I knew. I was scared. I cried, a lot. I was at the end of my rope and this is the little thing that made me just loose grip and slip off. I am not proud of it, but I was being a big brat. I really wanted my room to be changed, remembered my parents room number went and talked with them, visited the other people in the group, continued to cry about it and thought that I really just needed a psalm. I pull out my bible and flip to one that was short:

Psalm 52
To the Chief Musician. A Contemplation[a] of David when Doeg the Edomite went and told Saul, and said to him, “David has gone to the house of Ahimelech.”
1 Why do you boast in evil, O mighty man?
The goodness of God endures continually.
2 Your tongue devises destruction,
Like a sharp razor, working deceitfully.
3 You love evil more than good,
Lying rather than speaking righteousness. Selah
4 You love all devouring words,
You deceitful tongue.

5 God shall likewise destroy you forever;
He shall take you away, and pluck you out of your dwelling place,
And uproot you from the land of the living. Selah
6 The righteous also shall see and fear,
And shall laugh at him, saying,
7 “Here is the man who did not make God his strength,
But trusted in the abundance of his riches,
And strengthened himself in his wickedness.”

8 But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God;
I trust in the mercy of God forever and ever.
9 I will praise You forever,
Because You have done it;
And in the presence of Your saints
I will wait on Your name, for it is good.

I was calmed, but could not stop crying. I thought that going back to my room to weep in solitude would be a good idea. I walk in and realize that the curtains are open go and lie on the bed by the window and just look out. My view was this: Downtown Reno, the surrounding hills and the sky, filled with these humongous gray clouds that overpowered everything else in my sight. Just then I remembered a conversation that Cryn and I had the day before. We spoke about how when she is having a hard time she looks at the clouds and realizes how little she is and how large God is. I sat there on my bed, weeping, singing "Praise God form whom all blessings flow, Praise Him all creatures here below, Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts, Praise Father Son and Holy Ghost. Amen.

Once I calmed down a little I realized how much of a resemblance it was to the psalm 121 where it says:I will lift up my eyes to the hills- From whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth. (vv1-2) I remember someone talking about how this speaks of the idols to the pagan gods that were on the top of the hills and how the psalmist looked there and acknowledges that his help comes from the heavens NOT from the idols of baal that the people surrounding him were worshiping.

I was reminded that no matter how silly or insignificant the trial is, the Lord has a plan for it. He does not take joy in our suffering, just as a father or mother does not take joy in spanking a child yet it must be done to train a child up in the ways that he may go.

I am so thankful for God and His faithfulness.

The LORD bless thee, and keep thee:
The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:
The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.
And they shall put my name upon the children of Israel, and I will bless them
Numbers 6: 24-27

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Fashion and am update

First and foremost an update on my last blog: The Lord has definitely been softening my heart to the people I have had a hard time loving how Christ loved. He is teaching me how to yearn to love others, not just want and try to love them, but to truly desire to serve and love them through the strength of the Holy Spirit. This is not going to be a one timer or a quick lesson to learn, but I continue to hope and pray that I am a quick study and I understand this in my heart soon. I have been praying for these people and have been treating them no different then I would anyone else and go figure it's starting to work! I'll continue to update until there is no other news on this, but for now this is all I've got for where I'm at.

On to the rest:

I think I may be stuck fashion-wise. I want to get more pieces that represent me in a way that I see myself and how I want others to see me, but you see I am embarking on a quest, if you will, of losing 15 lbs SO my dilemma is that I do not want to purchase clothes now, and have them either taken or just give them away in when I do finish losing the weight. I may have to indulge in some thrift store awesome-ness until I am at my goal.

I really want to have this sort of shabby chic/modern with a retro twist look about me, but I am not quite sure how to accomplish that. I have been searching for pieces that encompass all of those things yet are not too out of my price range. It seems to be more time consuming and labor-intensive then I thought. I wish I had the money to get a personal shopper and stylist... Maybe I'll win at the penny slots while in Reno this weekend and prove Cryn wrong. Knowing the odds and my luck, she will be right and I will loose ten bucks. Ha.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Lord, please help me to be like Jesus.

1 Peter 4: 8-9"And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” Be hospitable to one another without grumbling."

When I continually look at these verses it literally feels like something is being ripped out of me. It does hurt and it's going to continue to hurt, but I know God has a plan for me that does not involve this evil in me. It is NOT okay that I do not love each and every person as Christ did. Yes, there are going to be some people who are not covered by salvation that will choose not to like me, but by the grace and mercy that my Heavenly Father pours out, I desire to love every person, fervently and without grumbling.

I was curious so I needed to know exactly what fervent meant, if I want to be it I need to know what it means, right? Here is the dictionary definition:

Definition of fervent:
1. having or showing great warmth or intensity of spirit, feeling, enthusiasm, etc.; ardent: a fervent admirer; a fervent plea.
2. hot; burning; glowing.

I do not think that this word could be any more perfect, and could you expect anything less from the Perfect God? I mean really, 'having or showing great warmth or intensity of spirit, feeling, enthusiasm' that is perfection of how we are to love one another.

What I was particularly convicted about was not loving everyone with this kind of love. There are so many times when I hope that I don't run into someone because I don't have the energy to listen, or sometimes I will actually pick my stuff up and move so that I don't sit near someone during worship because I can't stand their singing. Nowhere does the bible pardon these actions. In my flesh I make up pardons 'because this one person just drains the life out of everyone', or 'because this other person makes a greatly joyful noise, but not the most beautiful noise.' THAT is sin. I feel it in my bones, this is something I need to pray that the Lord will stop me from continuing. How can I help others get close to God, or get close to Him myself if I am being so exclusive and evil myself?

I am weeping at the thought that I know that my actions and words have hindered others, my sin has stumbled others from growing closer to Jesus. I ask for forgiveness.

The best part: Grace and mercy
. God is so gracious and so merciful, He will chasten me, mold me and make me to bridle this sin, as He has done with every other unruly attribute about my life. He is in control. 'Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ' (Philippians 1:6)

Lord, please help me to be like Jesus.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Making Lasagna

No Pictures but I made around 10 Lasagna, a batch of ravioli, and enough fettuccine pasta to feed 8 really hungry people. I was a busy lady yesterday! I'm probably going to be a tad tired at work tomorrow, but of course I'll get the job done!

I do not know what how this happens, but everyone says that I make the best pasta, well everyone that has not had my aunt T's pasta, now that is bomb. But this is her recipe so I'll pass it along to you; I always measure how much pasta I am going to make by how many people I am feeding and it goes one egg per person and from there it is a ratio:

ONE cup of flour to TWO eggs. (serves two people, 1/2 cup for one egg)
1/3 of the total flour is SEMOLINA and the remaining 2/3 is all purpose white flour.
add SALT and EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OIL (or any type, this is just what I buy)

mix and mush all ingredients together in a bowl until the dough starts to form a ball. Roll the dough from the bowl to a dry, floured counter top and kneed well. If the dough feels dry sprinkle water on it and continue to kneed, if the dough feels wet, add flour and continue to kneed. The dough should hold it shape yet be a little squishy and pliable. Once finished cut into cubes and then run through a pasta machine (I have a hand crank one that my aunt gave me). Follow the directions for your machine for use.

There ya go! From there, you can make lasagna or make fettuccine, spaghetti, or any other type of pasta by feeding the long strips of pasta through the cutter attachment.

It's too late

Apparently for every hour you are awake after midnight your body needs two hours of sleep to compensate. I am thinking I am going to be asleep really late tomorrow.

I decided to reactivate this blog honestly because I was jealous that C has one and I do not. I do not have any idea who is going to read this, why they would, or where I'm going with this whole adventure but we shall see what happens. Speaking of C, she has one amazing family that lets me bug them for hours on end every once in a while (I think every married couple needs that one single gal that hangs around) any-who tonight was one of those nights. I hopped over to their house after hanging with my large, loud, lovely family and making canaloni which shall be blogged about later, I'm sure. After her children were asleep C, Her Husband, D, CW and I all played an intense game of scrabble. It was so much fun. I for once got second place. CW, he beat me, what a stinker.

Anyway after that CW left (leave while you're ahead, right?) and C and I continued to have a lovely conversation while D scoured the internets for amazing deals (he is awesome at finding deals on things, it's a quirk that I plan on taking advantage of in the near future) and playing fake poker. All three of us sitting at their green round table, C and I eating the canaloni that my family and I made for new years talking about gluten bonds forming through kneeding bread and the fit of designer jeans as well as her son, E and daughter C, and how adorable they are. It was over all a great night, I would score it a ten of ten.