Sunday, May 9, 2010

Some Plans That Have Gone Awry.

I don't like to travel because that disrupts my routine, also I really like my own bed and my own shower. I would rather be at home then in Italy or the East Coast or England or France or even Hawaii. I am the kind of person who likes things to be normal and to know where I'm going, who I'm going to see and what I'm going to do week in and week out. Daily I have to remind myself to not think so far ahead and plan my entire life out. I am terrible at being completely in submission to God's heart for me. Even before I knew Him, I was the same way.

I remember ten or so years ago sitting with a friend on my bed in the same room which I now sit dreaming of all that my life would one day be. I was eleven. I have recently been thinking about that conversation. Although I cannot one hundred percent remember who my friend was or what they wanted for their life, I remember most of what I said which was something to the effect of "I want to live on a farm like my Nonnie and Papa, be married and have lots of babies and do it all by the time I'm eighteen. Also my husband would love me like my dad loves my mom."

As I am sitting on my bed now (not the same bed, it's larger, but it is in the same place oddly enough with how much I move my room around) I am still living with my parents (in suburbia not a farm), I am twenty one so I'm three years too late to meet my age requirement, have no prospect for a husband and therefore will be having no children at any time in the near future. I am thinking how with every single fiber of my being I wanted those things and how funny it is how all-consuming desires change. Sure, I still desire to marry a man that loves me as much as my daddy loves my mommy and I'd like to have a few young ones under foot some day, but I am no longer consumed with those things because I take comfort in the fact that God knows what He is doing and He will give me everything that He desires to give, and take away things He desires to take.

This is what the Lord has done this this area of my life: although I still plan, my plans are not as, lets say, definitive. I use the words 'some day' rather then giving myself a deadline and therefore ultimately setting myself up for failure.

When you desire to do God's will He will equip you for that work, even if it is something seemingly as simple as changing your every day vernacular.

1 comment:

Gregggg said...

I'm glad you notice how much I love your Mommy! Yes, you deserve such love, too!!!

Yer Dad